so i'll write you a song and hope somewhere in your sleep you'll sing along

For some reason..I will never forgive myself. No matter how much time passes, no matter how beautiful I feel, or how many songs I sing & dance along to, or the places I go and the people I meet or the drinks I drink. I just won't ever forget how naive I once was and how I only wish I could take that back and have made the right decision. Because I miss everything, more than you could possibly even imagine.. but I guess I am better off.. we are better off.

But my heart is breaking and I'm still smiling because I feel like that's the only way to hold myself up, out of the misery of this guilt and shame, but isn't it true that I'll never get over you?
Because I was in love, we were so in love, but a young woman's innocence can be so gentle, so naive and inconsistent at times that she does not always understand the direction love will take her, and how it suffocates the corners of your heart, how it seeps and lets in a contagious sort of disease of temptation and anguish.
It has been so long since I last saw your face or heard your voice, or touched your sides, but I think about it almost everyday, and how I put this distance between us. How it was my actions that fueled this misery that I put the both of us through.
I hope I never know when you have found the love of your life, I never want to hear about it. Because you took all of this away from me, and left me standing on the wayside hoping this ship drifts towards the ocean bay soon, because I'm cold, and tired.
I just want to go home.