This one is for you; Like we used to.

Here I am in my newly comfortable age of 22 years and offering the world all the goodness that I can possibly find within myself. I want to give it all to you. But there is this knocking in my chest, it can come so suddenly and find its way through my veins, flushing the significance of its slim tender parts along the beautiful sides of my body, along the insides.

I am terrified by this dark thing
That sleeps in me;
All day I feel its soft, feathery turnings, its malignity.

The way things once were, shifting and satisfied with a warm love. Soft, delectable. It cushioned me lovingly. I woke to strength, warm sides, but suffocated myself with a cacophony of tenderness when I realized it was not meant for me. That I had to shake myself away from those places & those men. Here I am. Here I am. Waking and living. I am only growing more beautiful as the day brings itself to me.


& where is he? Doesn't he know how impatient I am? How much I feel when I fall asleep at night and the words that are consistently spewing from my hands? They are all for him. Sometimes I fear he will never find me. I am locked away and feeling this suffocation, when all I need is the simplicity of him to hold my heart and know that it is everything he has ever dreamed of experiencing. The excitability, the passionate nights of holding on tight to each other, and those silky dreams of traveling to far distant lands. I'm right here, but you haven't found me yet. And it's getting harder to believe. Please come soon. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to give you something good to hold on to when you are feeling alone. I can offer you this unique beauty that you will never find anywhere else.